Saturday, December 26, 2015

Manhood and Fanhood

After a long sabbatical I am back!!! 2015 was a rough year for male fashion. Dudes are wearing colored skinny pants that are squeezing the manhood right out of them, cuffing the bottoms of jeans not to stay dry but to look hip, I think. Shorts are getting shorter again. Men, our legs just ain't that sexy...  Anyway, living in Seattle I have learned even those who have squeezed the manhood out of themselves they still love football. 

The playoffs are just around the corner and it is time to get yourself into the mood for cheering your team onto victory. Now men know they can influence a game by the following:
1) The louder you cheer and yell at the TV the more you can influence your team to victory. 
2) The more team apparel you wear the better your team will perform. 
3) Where you sit, when you shower, what socks you wear, and many other things influence the game. 

Now if there is a way to explain this to my wife so she could understand please let me know. 

I firmly believe that steps 1,2, and 3 above will benefit your team greatly but to get the most out of your fanhood you need to take on the personality of the team. Below you will see many of the items to help lead your team to victory. 

As you know last year the Patriots won the super bowl when Darell Bevell (UW 1994) Instructed Russell Wilson (UW 2011) to throw the ball to the wrong team. The Patriots proved they could catch a fully inflated ball and as they say the rest is history. This year the Patriots are in the drivers seat to get the first seed in the AFC. Below is a candid photo of Tom Brady on how patriot fans should prep for gameday (I know some will think the picture is me wearing a Tom jersey but I assure you it is Tom.) 

On the NFC side the Panthers are undefeated and have all but locked up the first seed for the playoffs. It is easy to take on the personality of the Panthers. Just throw on your Panthers jersey and act like a complete tool. This should be easy for those wearing those tight colored skinny pants. Before I go too hard on the Panthers I do give Newton credit for leaving college early to go pro all for the love of the game. For most kids leaving college early to go pro is done for financial reasons but Newton took a large paycut leaving Auburn to go Pro. Below are some examples on being a panther fan.









Up next the Packers. This one is simple due to the creation of the cheesehead. Wear a jersey, a cheesehead, some camo or hunter orange and talk about the glory days. Saying a few Hail Marys during games has proven to help as well. 



Back to the AFC we discuss the Cincinnati Bengals. I read somewhere that the Bengals were good in the 80's. I mostly remember them for Ochocinco. To get the most out of your Bengals on Sundays it is important to take on the persona of Ochocinco and have a ridiculous celebration for each score. Below is one I have been working on for about six months. You think it is ready to use on gameday? 
Having a Baby

The New York Jets are on the verge of making the Playoffs. Unbelievable as it may sound it is true check the standings. Bring out the swim trunks and the swagger and you are in the zone for gameday. 

Doin the Namath

Bears fans are not in the playoff hunt probably because they have not released the inner Ditka. RELEASE THE DITKA!!!!!

Ditka... Sausage.. Da Bears


For fans of the teams not in the playoffs, there is always next year. 



I saved the Seahawks for last as they are now my team. I know everyone still refuses to believe I am not a Packer fan, but I ain't in fact my favorite team is whoever is playing the Packers and my second favorite is the Seahawks. Who can forget last years NFC championship game when the Seahawks crushed the Packers in OT to make the Superbowl. Being a Badger fan Russell learned my voice back in his college days so I can directly influence him better than others when yelling from the couch. Lately he has been listening quite well. 

Again I reiterate it is important to take on the personality of the team you are rooting for. Your fanhood is more important than ever this year. So when you are throwing back an ice cold budweiser and rooting like a maniac for your favorite team, remember fashion and football can still go hand and hand. 








 Oilers are undefeated Why Not Them?