An Everyday Guide To Baseball Caps...Continued...

Howdilly doodilly neighborinos.  I know its been a while since I've posted, and I've got a good excuse for that, but I know that my excuse won't make up for the pain that you all have suffered, so I'll save you the details.  Just know that I'm sorry, and I'm going to make up for it...I'm really going to change this time.  I promise.

Anyways, after all of the overwhelming success and positive reviews regarding Luke's last post on hats, I decided to keep the train going with some other pointers, looks and wisdom.  Hats are to a man, as shoes are to a woman.  Therefore, read this post carefully and you'll soon find yourself living the high life.

I learned everything I know on wearing hats from my father, Big Daddy Joe.  The main thing I learned about hats from him was they are made to keep the sun out of your eyes.  Who knew?  Add in my ginormous eyebrows and you see why I never feel like I need to wear sunglasses.  I wonder why I have horrible vision?  Some additional hat looks are shown below.

The Bill (so punny).  Side note: It's ok to double up on team logos...especially if its the same team.  Plus, people feel sorry for you when you wear this particular logo.

The Montana Toupee (no one will ever have to know you're bald)

I'm in shape (but I'm really not)

(See previous post "Hello, my name is Luke", regarding Luke's days as intramural all-american in college...I was only 2nd team all conference)

The "I'm Not From Here But I Want To Fit In"

The Bossssssssssssss

The Wooly Mammoth a.k.a. The Alma Mater a.k.a. The Greatest Hat Ever Made a.k.a. Pure Confidence

The Tried and True (Luke used to work for this company before it got bought out...I will forever thank them for giving me this hat for free at the job fair in college.  It is always on the ol' noggin' when I'm heading out to the woods to shoot something.) What are you looking at? You can't prove anything

Corporate Sellout

(Ever find it funny that I paid them for a hat that advertises their product?  They sure know what they're doing.  Actually Luke bought this hat for me at my bachelor party, along with one for himself.  Good times were had by all)

What will they think of next?  Perfect for Root beers and ginger ales!

The Irish Lad

The Didgeridoo

Until next time...

An Everyday Guide To Baseball Caps

I have gotten a request to address baseball caps. There are many ways to wear a baseball cap. This blog will discuss baseball caps to buy and the proper way to wear a cap.

The first thing you need to do is pick out a good cap. Caps are a great way of advertising your place of employment, your favorite sports team, or your favorite adult beverage. There are many styles of baseball caps as well. Strap back, fitted, visors, etc... With so many choices it can be quite overwhelming picking out the right one or two or ten.

At the store they put stickers and tags on hats so you know how much they cost, the size, and the brand of the hat. I recommend purchasing a cap that has your favorite sports team on it. Immediately after purchasing remove all tags and stickers. Leaving the tags and stickers makes it look like you a putz. Don't look like a putz. Stickers are for five year old children not young adults.

The next thing you need to do is properly bend the bill. To bend follow the hand placement of the above picture. Crank that bill until you get the proper bend. This will help shield the sun from the edges of your eyes. A flat bill will give you the look of in incompetent tool and it really does not serve you well to have this look.

Now the proper way to wear the hat. This is best shown by a picture. The pictures below to show all the proper fashionable ways you can wear a baseball hat.

Casual Look

The Friday Night

All Business

The Last Minute Accessorizing

 

 

Redneck Chic

 



 



Fancy and Formal





 

Applesauccccccee

Toe Cleavage - A bedtime story

A long time ago in a land very near a man named Floyd had a problem ye' hear. Floyd would sit at the docks with a very keen eye of the fishing ladies feet walking by. Some ladies wore sneakers and still others flip flops, yet some ladies wore shoes that seemed to have no tops. Ladies steppin out in heels that reveals skin appeals. With the ends of their toes still covered by shoe, the beginning of the toes are exposed to you.

TOE CLEAVAGE ON THE DOCKS TOE CLEAVAGE BY THE ROCKS so much Toe Cleavage Floyd retreated to the BOONDOCKS. As Floyd pondered about fashion and feet and such, he wondered what level of toe cleavage was too much.  Now toes come in many sizes long, short, fat, and thin, he needed a rule on exposure of toe skin. Standing amongst the trees so tall he knew the right people that he would call.

 He called the worlds only male fashion and fishin blog to start the first ever toe cleavage dialogue. The boys at Fashion, Fishin and Freedom did recieve, this curious question from Floyd that had become his pet peeve. The bloggers took the question with no need to entice because when they're not fishin they're dishin fashion advice.

With no knowledge of ladies footwear, what good could these blogger boys share?

With the help of a search engine, the solution to a toe cleavage was solved. With our simple calculation you will have a foundation for proper toe cleavage at any location. Well heels are discouraged and sneakers encouraged but if a women must she should entrust that when picking shoes off the racks to keep the toe cleavage to a 3 millimeter max.

With the answer in hand Floyd got off the land. And back to fishin all day long where all men belong.
And Floyd lived happily ever after knowing the answers to Toe Cleavage.

Now I am no poet and you would know it by reading this complete poetic injustice. This will serve as a reminder of why we stick to men's fashion. There will be no more women's fashion or bedtime stories for you.  I am sorry if you go to bed with a headache tonight for having read this.

The Suit Life

Question: Does this suit make me look awesome?

Answer: No, I make this suit look awesome.

You see, confidence can go a long way.  I am not a suit guy, but I don't let that stop me from dressing up for a nice black tie wedding.  I look like I do this all the time, don't I? Fooled Ya!  Like most of mine and Luke's fashion ideas, our style was mostly shaped by Montana culture.  A lot of guys don't wear a suit until their funeral...

Happier/More Depressing Side Note: ties don't go on sale until AFTER father's day...I immediately regret forgetting to grab my tie on the way out the door and having to swing into a Dillard's 30 minutes before the wedding started.  Let's just say I'm not rolling in Ulysses S. Grant's and I had to bid him adieu (thats fancy people talk for goodbye).

Moving to the south has been a culture shock for me.  Everyone owns at least one suit, and most of them didn't get their suits from a thrift-shop!  Now, I have warn a suit/tux on a number of occasions, with most of those times involving breaking it down at high school dances, so I'm not completely ignorant.

Some basic tips for wearing a suit include:

-Wearing shoes that your wife doesn't make fun of (aka the shoes I bought for my Junior prom 11 years ago to go with the suit I bought from the thrift store - see above)

-Matching your belt with your shoes (see Luke's previous post)

-Tuck your shirt in, no matter how unnatural that feels

-Undershirt is optional - I tend to wear the wife-beater, while some prefer the white tee-shirt to hide pit stains, although I've heard it said that "Real Men Don't Wear Undershirts*"

-Take a shower (that has to do with the confidence thing)

-Bring Sexy Back

*If you're looking to kill some time, check out the band I was in, along with Matt, Randy, Josh and a few others at Montana Tech.  Our first album was the aforementioned "Real Men Don't Wear Undershirts".  Our sophomore album was "One bird, two stones...".  No we weren't in a street gang, don't let the picture fool you.

www.myspace.com/wanderinghobos4life (Don't make fun of myspace, it used to be cool)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjqVaONBvRk (Luke is the cameraman...makes a guest appearance)

Until next time...

From Hick to Fashion Guru - A Cinderella Story

When people think of fashion they usually do not think a hick from deep in the sticks would know anything about it. I grew up half way up a mountain deep in the woods up a gravel road named Gut Creek Road. In those days you did not worry about fashion so much as a hungry bear will eat you no matter what you are wearing so we were forced to go for speed not style. Whatever Ma bought on her trips to the "city" was what I wore to school. The city was a town called Kalispell which had about 10,000 people living in it at the time. It was about a 90 minute drive from the house to get there. Someday I will pull out some good pictures on throwback Thursday of my looks in that day, it included colored pants and t-shirts with wierd sayings and stuff.

I was and am a hick, my spelling and grammar does a good job of showing this. So the rest of this blog is a story on a fashion lesson I learned in the city of Seattle prior to the city being overrun by darn hipsters. Photos by Yael.

As a 22 year old I took an internship in Olympia Washington. That summer my friend Yael, who lived in the Seattle area, was having her 21st birthday. Yael invited myself and our friend Terrance to come celebrate with her and a group of people in Seattle. Terrance met me at my house and as we were walking out the door I got a text that said something like "the place we are going is nice so dress up." Terrance came up with a T-shirt and Cargo Shorts, and I was planning on wearing something similar. So looking in the closet on what I brought over from Montana with me I had a couple polos and some jeans. Of course Polos was really dressing up for a college kid in Butte Montana so I thought well I am good, this polo only has 1 hole in it and it is from Aeropostale which is a really fancy store so no problem. I texted Yael back and said "jeans and a polo are good right?" and the response I got back was something like "You are such a hick - no like slacks and a dress shirt."

So fashion lesson #1 for the day dressing nice is not worn out jeans and a Polo.

So as me and Terrance sat there debating our next move for dressing up to go to the big city we decided to hit up a Target on our way there. We made it to Target and found some slacks and some dress shirts for about $20 a piece. I think I had black pants so I was not sure what would be a good match. I asked the cashier between two shirts and she was able to pick out a proper outfit for me. It was at this time I learned fashion lesson #2 - brown does not go with black. I pondered if I should get a black belt instead of my brown one but ended up deciding to take the risk and wear a brown one.

Took me a couple more years to figure out what to do with the cuffs

 

We rolled into Seattle about 15 minutes early and found a parking spot near the establishment. Still wearing our shorts and t-shirts, we stripped down in the parking lot and put on our fancy clothes for our big night on the town. It was after I put my slacks on and fancy shirt that I realized my holey tennis shoes looked a little out of place... So I went into this bar with a brown belt with black pants and holey tennis shoes. We scouted out the dining area and found a spot where I could hide my shoes.

Is Terrance looking down my shirt?

We had a great time at the birthday celebration, Bill Gates opened a tab at the bar for a bunch of international Microsoft executives who were in town. One of the executives from Scotland we talked to for a while and at the end he called me a bloody bloke which I think translates to buddy in America so I feel like I have a good connection to all that Microsoft money. After this I decided I would no longer be embarraseed by my ignorance to fashion. This lesson was intramental in me creating the unique style I have today that combines max comfort with max fashion, and because of this I qualify myself to be part of the only male fashion blog written by hicks. From Hick in the sticks to Male fashion guru.

To summarize -
Jeans and polo great for a fancy outing in Montana not so great in Seattle.
Brown and Black goes together like toothpaste and orange juice
The whole outfit needs to be planned including shoes
Yuppies do not understand speed or comfort.

Dramatization: Not the real shoes I was wearing

V-Necks - An Inconvenient Truth

Well, hello there.  I'm glad you're here.

O.k. that's enough of the small talk, I'm going to cut right to the chase.  V-Necks - Yay or Nay?  Its a question that has been haunting men everywhere for years now.  First, we need to classify V-Necks in order to help us in our fashion decision

I only wear shallow V-Neck tees, or "lower-case" V-Neck  shirts.  I never, ever, ever wear deep V-Neck tees, or "upper-case" V-Neck shirts.  If you didn't get what I just said, then you need to watch more Sesame Street.  I just don't feel like woman need to see man cleavage.  If I wanted to show off my chest hair, I'd just take my shirt off.  Not much fashion advise there, ya know?  The only exception for a man to wear an "upper-case" V-neck  (a.k.a. "capital" V-Neck, a.k.a. man blouse) is if he is in a very good rock band (emphasis on the very good).  I've yet to hear another good reason.

Really, thats about all I can say on the subject of V-Necks without offending too many people.  Now get out there and juggle some granny smiths.

Until next time...