Farewell 2014

Today King 5 posted a list of 12 words that will be banned for 2015. They are Hack, Bae, Cra-Cra, Skill Set, Foodie, Swag, ___-Nation, Curate, Friend-Raising, Takeaway, Enhanced Interrogation, Polar Vortex. I don't know what all those words mean but I guess this is good-bye.  This is the last time I can post using these words. 2014 was also named the year of the selfie so all photos will be selfie format.

So I just googled "what do cool people wear on New Years Eve?" The first site that popped up was Glamour which just showed a bunch of skimpy dresses. What *Hack came up with this? You would have to be *Cra-Cra to wear a small dress in the middle of the darn winter. Maybe some fashionable panda fur would give you that *Swag look you are going for. The next website was Askmen which has the motto "become a better man". Their recommendation was to wear leather pants, leather blazers and a purple shirt. I am developing some *Enhanced Interrogation techniques for the *Hack who came up with that. I would go pantless in a *Polar Vortex before I ever slipped into leather pants. And guys no more purple, Vikings fans wear purple and Vikings almost always lose. Also don't spend your money on a leather blazer. If you want leather buy a football. Footballs are fun. If you can add football playing to your *Skill-Set your *Bae will totes dig you. So after determining there was no good advice on what to wear online for men and women seeking the perfect combination of fashion and comfort I decided to write a blog on what to wear.

First thing you need to think about is the weather. New Years falls in the middle of winter and the ball drops at midnight which is at 12:00 AM which is in the middle of the night. The good thing is that some smart Americans already invented electricity, indoor plumbing, and indoor heating systems so you can stay warm inside without having to layer up. We also invented French Fries, take that France! If you are going to brave the *Polar Vortex like conditions and celebrate outside I recommend a big thermos of cocoa or coffee or your favorite hot beverage, some wool socks, long johns, your favorite pair of blue jeans, a sweatshirt and a warm jacket. If you want to add some NYE *Swag I would go with a gold and diamond Jesus necklace that will be sure to do some *Friend-Raising and impress your Bae. Women can enhance this outfit with some fur preferably from an animal your man has harvested.

Cold Weather outfit selfie.

                           Duck Face Selfie                                                              Mirror Selfie

For those of you smart enough to go to bed by 9 PM wear whatever it is you wear to bed. For the rest of us who will be partying inside I say wear something fun and comfortable. I mean it is the last day of 2014 and your last day to go all out. So I define fun as camo or blaze orange. If you want to be the life of the party go Blaze Orange. It is bright and sure to do some major *Friend-Raising. If you are more of the type of person that likes to blend into the party go Camo. And as always you can add that *Swag with the jesus necklace, afterall the guy just had his two thousand twentieth birthday so I feel he should be included in your party. So we hear at the *Triple F-Nation wish you all a safe and happy New Year. Hope you are all looking forward to 2015 fashion tips. Stay tuned to the blog as we keep you informed and help you to be a fashion trend setter. Go America!

Indoor outfit selfie.

Camo Pants and Zumba Print Bucky Shirt =Fun Fun Fun

 Jesus Hanging with his favorite mascot.

Date Night: Casual

Happy November (Movember, No-Shave November, etc...) everybody.  How are those manly beards coming along thus far?  I hope all of you are coming down from your candy buzz from Halloween and are enjoying the fall/winter weather.  I missed all of you...except for a couple of you.

Anyways, who doesn't like a nice date night with their honey bun*?  I sure do.  The pure joy one feels on payday, when there is nothing but money to spend (we can dream can't we?), is hard to overtop.  However, with every date night one must ask one's self: "What do I wear on this date night in order to make my honey bun* feel like she picked a winner?"  It is a question we should, nay must, ask ourselves prior to any evening out on the town.

There are different levels of date nights: from take-out in pajama's, all the way up to a fancy night out at the outback steakhouse in a 19-piece suit.  However, I'd like to specifically dive into the fashion of a casual date night: where looking good intersects with fashion function.  First, some general rules for date nights of all kinds:

1. Shower, preferably within the last 24 hours
2. Brush yo' teef
3. Deodorant and other various smell good items are a nice touch
4. Smile (don't be a grumpy punk)

Now, lets look at a specific casual date night example and sift through what made it magical.

Setting: A local mexican restaurant with a nice outdoor patio (you need to know what types of places your honey bun* loves).  Clear skies and early evening (about 30 minutes before sunset): warm, but not too hot ==> ideal for chillin'

Garb: A nice bold shirt is always a good choice on a casual date.  Your honey bun* needs to know that you are confident in yourself and in your relationship.  Black is always slimming, plus Toy Story is always a good conversation starter.  Side note: don't be afraid to wear a shirt that was given to you by your mother-in-law (aka honey bun* mama), chances are, she knows a thing or two about fashion. (Not pictured: gym shorts and flip-flops  ==> good options when you're in a rush)

Result: A wonderful date night with your honey bun*.  Smiles and laughs all around.  Both you, and your relationship come out winners.

Bonus: You're probably thinking "Wow that is the single coolest T-Shirt I have ever seen!". But wait, there's more: Its a Glow-in-the-Dark T-Shirt! Comes in very handy for your walk back to the car underneath the romantic moon light.  This is where fashion meets function, and most importantly, where you become your honey bun's* hero.  You're welcome.

*Disclaimer: For your personal health and welfare, please consult with your honey bun before referring to them as your honey bun

Farewell Summer - A Jort Story

After a very long summer break the fashion blog is back!!! For those of you who have been left clueless on what to wear over the summer I apologize but spending time outside in God's great country was deemed more important than fashion. With that said I did catch some delicious bass this summer. I would like to dedicate this blog post to my favorite pair of jorts (also my only pair).

My Jort Line

Jorts are the new black. And I think in fashion that means they are awesome. The beauty of jorts is that they are essentially free and super comfortable. It seems like every year you have to find a new favorite pair of jeans because after wearing them for 180 straight days in the fall/winter they have blowouts in the knees... You can patch them at this point and look silly or you can cut them off at the knee and have a new pair of jorts. I told you they were awesome.

A little yard work

Jorts have so many uses. I wear mine when mowing the lawn, lounging around, going for hikes, swimming, going on a hot date with my hot wife, and for fishing. There is pretty much nothing they can't do. They also are like jeans in that they go with anything. The best look in the summer is to go shirtless or with a tank top. For a hot date you can throw on a nice flannel. For footwear with your jorts I recommend tennis shoes.

Ready for a hot date

 

As always when talking fashion we like to talk cost per use. Now if you buy a pair of jeans on sale at JCPenney for $20 and wear them for 170 out of the 180 days in fall/winter that is a cost of $0.12 per use. By turning them into jorts you can get another estimated 90 uses out of them in the Spring/Summer bringing your cost per use to under $0.08. That is pretty darn good.

After all the uses I have described above it is time to retire my current pair of jorts. The blowouts around the butt pocket are becoming harder and harder to contain. It is a sad day saying goodbye but next year I will get a brand new pair.

Playing ball in the house (butt blowout visible)

Again we apologize for the long layoff but we are getting ready to post many fall fashion tips.

Modeling Artist - Luke Bentley
Blog Author - Luke Bentley

An Everyday Guide To Baseball Caps...Continued...

Howdilly doodilly neighborinos.  I know its been a while since I've posted, and I've got a good excuse for that, but I know that my excuse won't make up for the pain that you all have suffered, so I'll save you the details.  Just know that I'm sorry, and I'm going to make up for it...I'm really going to change this time.  I promise.

Anyways, after all of the overwhelming success and positive reviews regarding Luke's last post on hats, I decided to keep the train going with some other pointers, looks and wisdom.  Hats are to a man, as shoes are to a woman.  Therefore, read this post carefully and you'll soon find yourself living the high life.

I learned everything I know on wearing hats from my father, Big Daddy Joe.  The main thing I learned about hats from him was they are made to keep the sun out of your eyes.  Who knew?  Add in my ginormous eyebrows and you see why I never feel like I need to wear sunglasses.  I wonder why I have horrible vision?  Some additional hat looks are shown below.

The Bill (so punny).  Side note: It's ok to double up on team logos...especially if its the same team.  Plus, people feel sorry for you when you wear this particular logo.

The Montana Toupee (no one will ever have to know you're bald)

I'm in shape (but I'm really not)

(See previous post "Hello, my name is Luke", regarding Luke's days as intramural all-american in college...I was only 2nd team all conference)

The "I'm Not From Here But I Want To Fit In"

The Bossssssssssssss

The Wooly Mammoth a.k.a. The Alma Mater a.k.a. The Greatest Hat Ever Made a.k.a. Pure Confidence

The Tried and True (Luke used to work for this company before it got bought out...I will forever thank them for giving me this hat for free at the job fair in college.  It is always on the ol' noggin' when I'm heading out to the woods to shoot something.) What are you looking at? You can't prove anything

Corporate Sellout

(Ever find it funny that I paid them for a hat that advertises their product?  They sure know what they're doing.  Actually Luke bought this hat for me at my bachelor party, along with one for himself.  Good times were had by all)

What will they think of next?  Perfect for Root beers and ginger ales!

The Irish Lad

The Didgeridoo

Until next time...

An Everyday Guide To Baseball Caps

I have gotten a request to address baseball caps. There are many ways to wear a baseball cap. This blog will discuss baseball caps to buy and the proper way to wear a cap.

The first thing you need to do is pick out a good cap. Caps are a great way of advertising your place of employment, your favorite sports team, or your favorite adult beverage. There are many styles of baseball caps as well. Strap back, fitted, visors, etc... With so many choices it can be quite overwhelming picking out the right one or two or ten.

At the store they put stickers and tags on hats so you know how much they cost, the size, and the brand of the hat. I recommend purchasing a cap that has your favorite sports team on it. Immediately after purchasing remove all tags and stickers. Leaving the tags and stickers makes it look like you a putz. Don't look like a putz. Stickers are for five year old children not young adults.

The next thing you need to do is properly bend the bill. To bend follow the hand placement of the above picture. Crank that bill until you get the proper bend. This will help shield the sun from the edges of your eyes. A flat bill will give you the look of in incompetent tool and it really does not serve you well to have this look.

Now the proper way to wear the hat. This is best shown by a picture. The pictures below to show all the proper fashionable ways you can wear a baseball hat.

Casual Look

The Friday Night

All Business

The Last Minute Accessorizing

 

 

Redneck Chic

 



 



Fancy and Formal





 

Applesauccccccee

Toe Cleavage - A bedtime story

A long time ago in a land very near a man named Floyd had a problem ye' hear. Floyd would sit at the docks with a very keen eye of the fishing ladies feet walking by. Some ladies wore sneakers and still others flip flops, yet some ladies wore shoes that seemed to have no tops. Ladies steppin out in heels that reveals skin appeals. With the ends of their toes still covered by shoe, the beginning of the toes are exposed to you.

TOE CLEAVAGE ON THE DOCKS TOE CLEAVAGE BY THE ROCKS so much Toe Cleavage Floyd retreated to the BOONDOCKS. As Floyd pondered about fashion and feet and such, he wondered what level of toe cleavage was too much.  Now toes come in many sizes long, short, fat, and thin, he needed a rule on exposure of toe skin. Standing amongst the trees so tall he knew the right people that he would call.

 He called the worlds only male fashion and fishin blog to start the first ever toe cleavage dialogue. The boys at Fashion, Fishin and Freedom did recieve, this curious question from Floyd that had become his pet peeve. The bloggers took the question with no need to entice because when they're not fishin they're dishin fashion advice.

With no knowledge of ladies footwear, what good could these blogger boys share?

With the help of a search engine, the solution to a toe cleavage was solved. With our simple calculation you will have a foundation for proper toe cleavage at any location. Well heels are discouraged and sneakers encouraged but if a women must she should entrust that when picking shoes off the racks to keep the toe cleavage to a 3 millimeter max.

With the answer in hand Floyd got off the land. And back to fishin all day long where all men belong.
And Floyd lived happily ever after knowing the answers to Toe Cleavage.

Now I am no poet and you would know it by reading this complete poetic injustice. This will serve as a reminder of why we stick to men's fashion. There will be no more women's fashion or bedtime stories for you.  I am sorry if you go to bed with a headache tonight for having read this.

The Suit Life

Question: Does this suit make me look awesome?

Answer: No, I make this suit look awesome.

You see, confidence can go a long way.  I am not a suit guy, but I don't let that stop me from dressing up for a nice black tie wedding.  I look like I do this all the time, don't I? Fooled Ya!  Like most of mine and Luke's fashion ideas, our style was mostly shaped by Montana culture.  A lot of guys don't wear a suit until their funeral...

Happier/More Depressing Side Note: ties don't go on sale until AFTER father's day...I immediately regret forgetting to grab my tie on the way out the door and having to swing into a Dillard's 30 minutes before the wedding started.  Let's just say I'm not rolling in Ulysses S. Grant's and I had to bid him adieu (thats fancy people talk for goodbye).

Moving to the south has been a culture shock for me.  Everyone owns at least one suit, and most of them didn't get their suits from a thrift-shop!  Now, I have warn a suit/tux on a number of occasions, with most of those times involving breaking it down at high school dances, so I'm not completely ignorant.

Some basic tips for wearing a suit include:

-Wearing shoes that your wife doesn't make fun of (aka the shoes I bought for my Junior prom 11 years ago to go with the suit I bought from the thrift store - see above)

-Matching your belt with your shoes (see Luke's previous post)

-Tuck your shirt in, no matter how unnatural that feels

-Undershirt is optional - I tend to wear the wife-beater, while some prefer the white tee-shirt to hide pit stains, although I've heard it said that "Real Men Don't Wear Undershirts*"

-Take a shower (that has to do with the confidence thing)

-Bring Sexy Back

*If you're looking to kill some time, check out the band I was in, along with Matt, Randy, Josh and a few others at Montana Tech.  Our first album was the aforementioned "Real Men Don't Wear Undershirts".  Our sophomore album was "One bird, two stones...".  No we weren't in a street gang, don't let the picture fool you.

www.myspace.com/wanderinghobos4life (Don't make fun of myspace, it used to be cool)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjqVaONBvRk (Luke is the cameraman...makes a guest appearance)

Until next time...

From Hick to Fashion Guru - A Cinderella Story

When people think of fashion they usually do not think a hick from deep in the sticks would know anything about it. I grew up half way up a mountain deep in the woods up a gravel road named Gut Creek Road. In those days you did not worry about fashion so much as a hungry bear will eat you no matter what you are wearing so we were forced to go for speed not style. Whatever Ma bought on her trips to the "city" was what I wore to school. The city was a town called Kalispell which had about 10,000 people living in it at the time. It was about a 90 minute drive from the house to get there. Someday I will pull out some good pictures on throwback Thursday of my looks in that day, it included colored pants and t-shirts with wierd sayings and stuff.

I was and am a hick, my spelling and grammar does a good job of showing this. So the rest of this blog is a story on a fashion lesson I learned in the city of Seattle prior to the city being overrun by darn hipsters. Photos by Yael.

As a 22 year old I took an internship in Olympia Washington. That summer my friend Yael, who lived in the Seattle area, was having her 21st birthday. Yael invited myself and our friend Terrance to come celebrate with her and a group of people in Seattle. Terrance met me at my house and as we were walking out the door I got a text that said something like "the place we are going is nice so dress up." Terrance came up with a T-shirt and Cargo Shorts, and I was planning on wearing something similar. So looking in the closet on what I brought over from Montana with me I had a couple polos and some jeans. Of course Polos was really dressing up for a college kid in Butte Montana so I thought well I am good, this polo only has 1 hole in it and it is from Aeropostale which is a really fancy store so no problem. I texted Yael back and said "jeans and a polo are good right?" and the response I got back was something like "You are such a hick - no like slacks and a dress shirt."

So fashion lesson #1 for the day dressing nice is not worn out jeans and a Polo.

So as me and Terrance sat there debating our next move for dressing up to go to the big city we decided to hit up a Target on our way there. We made it to Target and found some slacks and some dress shirts for about $20 a piece. I think I had black pants so I was not sure what would be a good match. I asked the cashier between two shirts and she was able to pick out a proper outfit for me. It was at this time I learned fashion lesson #2 - brown does not go with black. I pondered if I should get a black belt instead of my brown one but ended up deciding to take the risk and wear a brown one.

Took me a couple more years to figure out what to do with the cuffs

 

We rolled into Seattle about 15 minutes early and found a parking spot near the establishment. Still wearing our shorts and t-shirts, we stripped down in the parking lot and put on our fancy clothes for our big night on the town. It was after I put my slacks on and fancy shirt that I realized my holey tennis shoes looked a little out of place... So I went into this bar with a brown belt with black pants and holey tennis shoes. We scouted out the dining area and found a spot where I could hide my shoes.

Is Terrance looking down my shirt?

We had a great time at the birthday celebration, Bill Gates opened a tab at the bar for a bunch of international Microsoft executives who were in town. One of the executives from Scotland we talked to for a while and at the end he called me a bloody bloke which I think translates to buddy in America so I feel like I have a good connection to all that Microsoft money. After this I decided I would no longer be embarraseed by my ignorance to fashion. This lesson was intramental in me creating the unique style I have today that combines max comfort with max fashion, and because of this I qualify myself to be part of the only male fashion blog written by hicks. From Hick in the sticks to Male fashion guru.

To summarize -
Jeans and polo great for a fancy outing in Montana not so great in Seattle.
Brown and Black goes together like toothpaste and orange juice
The whole outfit needs to be planned including shoes
Yuppies do not understand speed or comfort.

Dramatization: Not the real shoes I was wearing

V-Necks - An Inconvenient Truth

Well, hello there.  I'm glad you're here.

O.k. that's enough of the small talk, I'm going to cut right to the chase.  V-Necks - Yay or Nay?  Its a question that has been haunting men everywhere for years now.  First, we need to classify V-Necks in order to help us in our fashion decision

I only wear shallow V-Neck tees, or "lower-case" V-Neck  shirts.  I never, ever, ever wear deep V-Neck tees, or "upper-case" V-Neck shirts.  If you didn't get what I just said, then you need to watch more Sesame Street.  I just don't feel like woman need to see man cleavage.  If I wanted to show off my chest hair, I'd just take my shirt off.  Not much fashion advise there, ya know?  The only exception for a man to wear an "upper-case" V-neck  (a.k.a. "capital" V-Neck, a.k.a. man blouse) is if he is in a very good rock band (emphasis on the very good).  I've yet to hear another good reason.

Really, thats about all I can say on the subject of V-Necks without offending too many people.  Now get out there and juggle some granny smiths.

Until next time...

Fish Sticks

Happy Saturday...I hope everybody is having a great weekend so far!  

People say that a picture is worth a thousand words, and now that I'm a blogger, I'm going to see if I can prove that saying.  A few weekends ago, Luke and I, along with our smokin' hott wives (sorry ladies), went to a cabin in the north Georgia mountains.  We had a lot of fun and celebrated our love for fashion, fishing and freedom.

Early Friday morning (around noon), Luke and I headed down the 237 steps from the cabin to the creek.  There were literally were 237 steps down to the creek...we counted.  That first morning of fishing, the fish weren't biting on the lures.  I don't really understand why, because I always assumed fish liked shiny objects as much as I do.  We simply attributed the lack of fish bites to the full moon the night before (seems like a legit fishing fact, right?).  Wy wife Hollee also got some time on the water with rod and reel in hand.  Ever since her first time ice fishing in Montana, which she loved (and made me love her even more), she's wanted to try "normal" fishing.  I'm afraid she's hooked now ;-)

Later that evening we knew we had to take action, so like Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn, we started digging for worms.  While we didn't find any big daddy nightcrawlers, we did find a few decent ones big enough to fit on the hook.  I chose a calm hole in the creek to drop the worm down into, and right before we were about to call it a night, I felt a tug.  I knew it was something huge..."this was it", I thought, "a moment to prove my manliness."  And prove it I did.  Just take a look at that beast in the picture!  3 or 4 inches!  At least it was bigger than the worm I used to catch it (barely).  I released the little guy since it would've been a lot of work for one fish stick.  Luke and I then celebrated our freedom by jumping in the icy cold water while our wives laughed at us.

Side note on my fashion style pictured above (Montana Griz hat w/Colorado Rockies tee-shirt): It is ok for a man to wear two separate pieces of sports apparel at once.  They don't even have to match in color, or in sport.  Just don't do three pieces at once. You don't want to look ridiculous, do you? DO YOU?!?! I rarely leave home without my Griz hat, and I wore my Rockies shirt to accentuate my need for a tan.  (Not pictured: cargo shorts - see previous post)

All in all it was a good day.  35 minutes later, after we made it up the 237 stairs, we jumped in the hot tub to ease our cramping legs, and vowed to eat more potassium.

Until next time...

TBT 3X Bed Race World Champions



For Throwback Thursday I thought I would go back to 2005 to 2007 when Jon and I led the BSU to 3 straight Bed racing world championships. Our rise to bed racing fame in the bed racing world was very well documented on local news stations and even had a hit you tube video. I hope you enjoy the below pictures and as always I have included a write up on our winning outfits.

We have gone plaid at ludicrous speed down the hill.

 

The original racing gear donned from L to R Jon (goose), Griff (Ice Berg), Luke (Ramrod).

 

In our first entry into the bed races we donned these spectacular flight suits inspired by the movie Top Gun. With a little arts and crafts the helmets were created with dust masks, tape, spray paint and biker helmets. The hard task of making safety gear fashionably was sucessful as you can see. The things covering our face with the tube coming out of them which are supposed to be oxygen masks, don't make fun of us though, we were just poor college kids trying to make it in the competitive world of bed racing fashion.

Jon and myself celbrating victory #3

 

Held this trophy a bunch. As you can see our fashiable safety helmets made it through the years but the outfits were cut for a more comfortable/traditional look. Through the years the helmets took some abuse as dust masks are not very rigid, they are kind of a princess leia look. We did not intend to dress up as princesses but I am sure you could figure that out by looking at the rest of our outfits. The sweatshirt I am wearing was purchased at a Butte thrift store for $2.00. This sweatshirt has a lot of miles on it and will likely make a few appearances on throwback thursday. Sweatshirts make for great purchases as they last forever and can be worn basically everyday. In Butte you would typically need two sweatshirts and a jacket to keep your joints from freezing up when walking from class to class. As always if you are going to spend money on a sweatshirt dark colors are important to prevent the fish from seeing you. If I were to calculate the cost per usage on this sweatshirt it would certainly be less than a penny. Which is pretty good in the fashion industry.

Raising the trophy for the last time

 

Winning the Bed racing Championships 3 times in a row ain't easy, but looking good well doing it can even be more challenging. A little creativity teamed with some electrical tape, dusk maks, and spray paint and a fashionable look for bed racing can be created. On my next post I will be sure to touch more on fashion. Thank you for tuning in. Go America.

 

 



 

Here is a link to a video unfortunately the audio was cut out after 3 minutes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWWs8RhCIas

Werkowt Gear

 Looking for some advice on workout fashions?  Well I have some for you.  There are no rules for workout fashions.  Don't let the commercials or Looloo lemon tell you otherwise.  I'm partial to the "monochromatic" look, which my wife says she loves, but she's also been known to be sarcastic at times.

 The secret to the "monochromatic" look is to wear the same color, or more preferably, multiple shades of the same color.  Also, bright tennis shoes make you feel like a super hero when you're at the gym.  Don't ask me why, but when I wear them I can run approximately the speed of a locomotive, which translates to about 6.5 or less on the treadmill.

Also, don't forget to add some variety to your workouts by doing some variation of the downward dog. Its ok if you got some plumber's crack going on, thats why you wear underwear (and live on the third floor).  Its very peaceful on warm, humid evenings in the south, listening to the bullfrogs and watching the fireflies.  Its almost like fishing on a peaceful pond, only its yoga, and you don't smell like fish afterwards.  Until next time...